Have you ever felt that way about someone you are in relationship with? Maybe you are in a marriage where you wish that your spouse did or said things more “naturally”, but they don’t. Then when they do say or do the things you wish it “feels forced”. Hey I get it. I’ve actually been on both ends in relationships. It’s not always with a spouse either. It could be a parent, sibling or friends.
So how do you overcome that feeling? When someone is doing something “out of the norm” that you’ve expressed you would like for them to do I would say “get over yourself”. Realize that this person is actually trying instead of saying “it feels forced, or awkward, or unatural”, say to yourself “wow this person is really trying to do, say or change something for me”. This is an unselfish act and I’m gonna give this person the benefit of the doubt. Maybe this person has had an “aha” moment and realizes they need to change their behavior to fill your needs.
It’s just human nature. There will be times in life when certain aspects of a relationship change and for whatever reason something feels “forced”. I say don’t give up. Don’t give up trying to learn what others need and try to love them the way they need to be loved regardless of how natural it may or may not feel for you. If this comes across as “forced” that’s on the receiver. It’s up to the receiver of this new, out of the norm, maybe even bizarre behavior to realize that this person is really going out of his/her way to love me the way I need to be loved. The hope and goal is that this new behavior becomes more natural AND opens doors to explore each others needs deeper.
So if you are in a blah blah blah relationship and you know you need to do something out of “your” norm to show them love then do it. Do it again. and do it more. Until it is received and becomes as natural as it needs to be.
#relationships #learntolove #lovelanguages #marriage#marriageandfamilytherapy #travisdalecounseling #counseling #natural